When Your Faith Hurts You

Research has proven belief to be a powerful catalyst in the process of healing. Prayer can bring us peace whether we pray ourselves or someone else prays for us. Our beliefs can cool and calm the deep existential fears that plague all sentient beings. Why are we here? People often look to faith for the answer. Since time immeasurable people all across the planet have found myths, lore, ritual and religion to be a vital part of their lived experience.

Conversely, much of human suffering has been at the sharp end of the religious sword. If someone existed to record an account of war, they most likely documented their fight to be over which God was the supreme God. Even today, there are people fighting political wars to declare the United States a Christian nation. It doesn’t surprise anyone to hear that religions have caused suffering, but it might surprise some that they need look no further than their neighborhood congregation to find accounts of spiritual abuse.

The terms spiritual abuse and religious trauma are wide terms that can mean a lot of things. From the obvious sexual abuse perpetrated by a pastor, to the more subtle slow poisoning of a person’s ability to trust their own mind and body, the same element exists in all spiritual abuse: a perpetrator hijacks God’s authority, or their spiritual headship to exert power over a member of the congregation.

Corrupted leaders, poor oversight and bad theology can often leave people vulnerable to sacred spaces becoming halls of pain. Leaders who insist they have heard directly from God can use holy icons, scriptures and systems to tie people to oppressive and destructive ideologies. If a person questions the poor treatment given them they stand to lose their communities, paradigms and even their own sense of self and purpose. Dogma has forced it’s way into very intimate spaces and guilted people for not falling into line. People allow religious leaders to make decisions for them about what to eat, what to wear, who to date, how to love, how to organize their families, how to plan financially, how to entertain themselves, the size of their bodies, the length of their hair, who they associate with, what kind of music they listen to, and much much more. So much overreach can cause otherwise secure individuals to make choices deeply contrary to what they believe is best for them, and divorce them from their own inner compass; they can completely lose touch with who they are. Hearing messages of their failures week after week can lead to depression or anxiety and even to physical manifestations like migraines, digestive issues or even certain types of cancer. Failure to comply with the terms of their given church leaves a congregant facing the loss of their families, friends, and way of life.

Young people questioning their sexuality, awakening to the horrifying realization that they feel attraction to the “wrong” gender, will spend decades of their lives repressing their identities, and begging for God to change them so they can be spared the humiliation of being found out or exiled from their communities. After some time of God not changing them, many resort to suicide to solve the problem of their existence. Parents, as directed by their faith communities, will turn their backs on their own children if those children don’t submit themselves to the authority of the family religion. Faith used improperly becomes a yoke of oppression and manipulation.

A person suffering from spiritual abuse or religious trauma might have a lot of trouble calling it trauma or abuse. Dan Koch has contributed to the discussion by creating an assessment to help people who think they might have been exposed to harmful dogma see their situation more objectively. If you wonder if you have experienced such a thing, I encourage you to take his survey. If you discover you have been hurt by your faith, I’d love to help you work through it.

My Very Worst Analogy