In our current series, we are opening the un-openable cans of worms to talk about the big three scary things: Race, Politics and Religion and we are asking the question, “Does it matter in therapy?” I’ve already vulnerably shared my religious opinions and we have talked about how those might impact your therapeutic experiences, so let’s open an even wormier can, shall we??
Is My Therapist a Republican or a Democrat (and does it matter?)
What do I believe?
I have voted in six presidential elections. In three of them I voted conservative and in three I voted liberal. It is likely that I will continue to vote for liberal presidents for as long as I would like to stay married to my wife or until the liberal candidate refuses to protect my existing marriage.
For someone out there I just became the proud owner of one of several very ugly names.
What empowers a person to call someone names because of the vote they cast is the real trouble facing our nation (and the system on which it was built). Because I voted a particular way, based on the needs I found most urgent to me, I am now hog-tied to all of the worst stereotypes of a person sharing my vote and tie the person stereotyping me to the worst members of their team. And let’s be honest, we live up to those stereotypes when the dust of our arguments settle around us. I deeply believe, if any two Americans approached each other as two people having a conversation about various topics, and really allowed themselves to dig deeply into those topics, we would find that we actually share a lot of values and ideals and long for nearly identical outcomes: freedom to be ourselves and pursue our chosen forms of happiness. I also know a lot of people, red and blue who completely disagree with me. Meh, whaterya gonna do? There is no power and wealth in the political divide if we don’t remain divided and so we vilify, demonize, and “other” one another to the point that we can’t respectfully have those discussions. In swoops the heroes and heroines of our respective political parties and we better throw our money at them so they can save us from the ugly so and sos across the aisle who want to fundamentally corrupt our way of life.
It smells a lot like someone creating a monster so they can save the day. YAWN.
Most people vote the same way. All of us have needs from our government and we consciously or unconsciously prioritize those needs and choose the party that sides with us on the ones near the top of the list. Even if the person we have to vote for is not at all someone we like or respect. My desire to stay married inspires me to vote blue. If both parties one day decided to support that issue, I move to the next issue most important to me. Some people really wanted to vote for the liberal candidate in the last election but felt deeply that protecting the unborn was most important and voting for him felt like a vote to kill children. That’s how two system parties can really mess everything up.
But I digress…let’s talk about the more important question.
How do My Beliefs Affect Your Therapeutic Experience?
The states in which I am licensed have long been dominated by conservative republican ideals. As a person who has spent much of my life in the nearest three states, this has always been the case for me. For a while I was conservative too. I know that just about everyone I come in contact with is going to be conservative. It is a statistical fact. A member of the group in the majority has the privilege of just automatically assuming everyone is like them and, another nod to statistics, they are often right. When I work with conservative people, politics rarely come up. This is because politics are usually not an issue for the people in political majority. They are coming to me because they have trauma or relationship problems and seek my help. They don’t have political problems, they have political power. In those cases, I don’t share a lot about me. Who I am doesn’t matter to the issues they are having. If it comes up, we talk about it, and then keep going. I know I don’t judge them negatively for their beliefs and my politics aren’t what they are there to benefit from, so, in my experience, being different politically doesn’t typically hurt.
BUT, being the same politically can help. Because I am a part of the political minority, finding other minorities can be quite a relief. I can’t tell you the number of times a left leaning client has sheepishly revealed that they are in fact liberal and wait anxiously for my response before I give them a wink and a smile to let them know they are in a safe place. They always sigh with relief and then talk about how hard it is to be blue in a red state. That right there is therapy. If you are looking for someone who feels safe to talk to about being a lefty loosie surrounded by righty tighties, I’m here for it, cuz, girl, so same.
I’ll summarize it with this. According to John and Julie Gottman, the God-parents of all couples therapists, every healthy relationship can survive an irreconcilable difference. If you’re different from me politically, I approach it in the same spirit that they say healthy couples approach such a difference: with respect and a little sense of humor. So you’re conservative, nobody’s perfect (wink, smile). We’ll find other bridges that we can connect on that can create just as much safety and build a beautiful rapport. If you’re super conservative and need someone who supports you and don’t want to give your money to the libs...I’m not for you. That’s okay too.
If our politics align, you’ve got an ally, and you’re safe to be yourself. I’m a safe place to rest in a stormy political climate.
If the power shifts, the climate changes, conservatives become the minority, and my conservative clients develop political anxiety, I’ll sit with them and empathize because I know what it’s like to be scared and lose power.
So do my politics affect your treatment? I’d say your vote on that issue is the one that really counts.