Race, Politics and Religion. The sacred three things polite folks don’t talk about in mixed company. Well, let me tell you sister, we are going there. In the next few blog posts, we’re just gonna open the cans of worms and let them wriggle about. Buckle up. Of these three, religion gives me the most indigestion, so I’m just gonna get that one out of the way.
Many people look for someone of a shared faith when they are seeking a licensed professional. That makes perfect sense to me and if you are so inclined, I welcome you to do that. Feeling like a person knows and understands the foundations from which you work is an important bonding feeling and bonding with your therapist is important.
So what do I believe in and does that matter to you? Pull up a chair, this could get complex.
WHAT DO I BELIEVE
I believe belief matters. Countless studies have demonstrated that faith in something or someone bigger than us is a powerful agent of healing. Believing that something is or can heal you can often contribute to actually healing you. Whether you believe in God as an actual person, or in healing energies and the power of manifesting what you long for, I know belief is important. That’s not what you asked me though, I know.
20 years ago, I could have told you about my own faith with a vivid testimony of God’s power and love complete with a backing soundtrack of songs I played passionately on my guitar. I was a faithful, dedicated, Evangelical Christian girl living in eternal service to God on the mission field overseas. I had a Bible degree and I wasn’t afraid to use it. Changes to my faith started when I fell in love on that mission field. That love complicated my life because it was with a girl. Though I did try for the better part of 20 years to disconnect from that part of myself in order to stay connected to my foundational faith, as happens to most people like me, I couldn’t do it. In my experience, the choices they were asking me to make were unhealthy and harmful to me. So, I personally made the difficult choice to leave that particular niche of Christianity in search of flocks to which I could actually belong. Fast forward 20 tumultuous years later and I am still working out my faith but happily married to my wife and raising our two wiener dogs together. (Lesbians with wiener dogs, I know, it’s funny, you can laugh.)
Recently, people call what I am a “deconstructed Christian” though I don’t feel like I’m living in pieces. My particular kind of deconstruction has been more of a pulling spaghetti noodles apart trying to decide which are still edible. I work every day to explore why I think we are here and what it means to be human. My most firmly held belief so far is that we are beautiful creatures navigating a difficult landscape, but whatever that path holds for us we are fully equipped to handle it. If you can tell me what religion that is, you’d really be helping me out. While I believe most faith is intrinsically good, I do believe hurt people can hijack systems of faith for their own empowerment making those systems inherently harmful. And I am confident that some of the beliefs I picked up along the way were deeply harmful to me and some deeply harm our culture on a systemic level. That being said, I have respect for the faith journey all people make and find a lot of joy in hearing about how people conceptualize this part of themselves.
HOW DOES MY FAITH AFFECT YOU
So what does MY faith have to do with YOUR therapy? Well, not a whole lot, really. If you’re currently a Christian in the way I once was, I understand it. I support it, and I am comfortable and confident in leveraging it to help you find peace during your process. My passionate service also hard wired me to understand how much faith can be a part of who you are. This makes me naturally suited to help people for whom their faith is essential. Whether a person be Evangelical, Catholic, LDS, Christian Science, Jehovah’s Witness, Muslim, or Buddhist: the idea is the same. What you believe is deeply wrapped up in who you are and you need a therapist to respect and understand that. I think the greatest benefit a deconstructed Christian can have as a therapist is that I hold my beliefs loosely enough to genuinely believe that yours could be just as right and valid as mine. And you certainly won’t catch me telling you that you’re in a cult and need saving. MY faith and MY beliefs are not the topic in session. Yours are. Your faith guides the discussion.
If my particular kind of faith journey suits anyone well it is the person with a lot of questions. The person who has searched their faith foundations and found it lacking. The person who recognizes the stains our humanity can make on otherwise beautiful paths to God. The person abused, manipulated or rejected by their own faith community for any number of reasons. I understand how even the best faith can hook into our broken places and break them just a bit further. If you need to talk to someone who understands the kind of hurt your church experience has caused you, I’m a good resource. And I don’t tell you to run away from your church, or run back to your church. That’s entirely up to you.
Now there you have it, lots of personal disclosure all intended to prove that I’m a safe therapist to talk to about your faith and the love you have for it, or the pain it has caused you. If this has struck a chord and you find yourself really wanting to explore your ideas of faith, reach out, I’m here for it.